Facing the Daunting Task of Finding a Job...

 I have to start looking for a job.


I've been putting it off.


But I probably should start now. 


Sigh. 


The thing is, I don't want to yet.  Is that selfish of me?


Hey, I've been working since I was fourteen years old.  I can't retire yet; but I can take a break, can't I?


In my head, I've justified this long "break" this way: since this may very well be my last summer off, I ought to make the most of it. 


My girls have always spent summers with me.  Camp Mommy I call it.  We go to museums, parks, the beach. We visit different places.  We hang out at home. We clean. We get bored. We get on each others' nerves.  Sometimes we fight.  We make up. We make art. Sometimes we get silly. We laugh. We cuddle.  We have dance parties. We have fun.


I will miss all that.


I know, I know. We can still do those things even if I worked in the summertime.  But it won't be the same.


So I don't want to work yet until my girls go back to school.  I want to cherish this last summer off together.


But I also know I have to start finding a job.  The bills, the mortgage, the doctor and dentist appointments... They don't care that I no longer have a job. 


Sigh. 


I need to start looking for a job...


But I'm not ready yet!


I'm not finished tidying up and reorganizing our home! 


If I'm no longer going to have spring break and summers off to do my deep cleaning and de-cluttering, I have to do it all now! 


I recently re-organized our library.  I've de-cluttered my dresser and reorganized my drawers. I've already done most of the kitchen cabinets, but our pantry looks like it needs to be reorganized again...


Today, I tackled the bathroom drawers and my girls' toy bins.  But I still have to re-organize the office cabinets...


Wait...


Do you think I'm obsessing about tidying up as a way to procrastinate?!?


Is it possible that I'm tackling all these other tasks, because I'm subconsciously fearful of facing the real task?  The one that needs to be done soon... Finding a job!


Is that what's happening here?  


But I really do want to cherish my last summer off with my girls!  And I really do want to get my home all tidied up!


Sigh.  (I know, too much sighing!)


I really do need to start looking for a job.  What, was I thinking a job was just gonna fall from the sky and land on my lap?!  That would be cool! Ha!


Fine.


I'll start tonight. 


Well, maybe after I finish reading my book.  Oh yeah, that's another thing... I have all these books I still want to read...


Okay, okay!  I will start on applications as soon as I post this.  I promise.


Why can't a job just fall from the sky and land on my lap anyway?!?  


You're right!  It would hurt.  Probably kill me. 


Ugh!  I guess I need to work to get work, huh?


Alright!  Let me do this... 


This is my year of selective yeses and nos, isn't it? 


Yes to the challenge, no to procrastination. 


Here I go...