Went Back to Work Today...

No, I did not get a job yet.

I went back to my former workplace.


No, I was not offered my job back. 


I had to go back, because my former boss had texted me a few days ago, asking me if I left any personal belongings and I told him I would go back and double check. 


They've hired my replacement and understandably she needs to make my classroom - I mean my former classroom - into her own space.  So, of course, I had to go back and get whatever was mine out of there.


It actually wasn't so bad.


I ran into some former colleagues which was nice.  Got to catch up a little.


And meeting my replacement was nice.  She will be my daughter's teacher, so it was a treat for my daughter to get to meet her new teacher before anyone else.


What a lovely day today was!


Okay, okay, that's not exactly the truth... Well, 1st of all, it was rainy this morning and...


OKAY!!!


Honestly, I was heartbroken today.


Being there, sifting through the pile of unwanted things, tugged - no, YANKED - at my heartstrings.


If my girls had not been with me, I might have cried in the car after leaving the school.  But I kept my cool.  Inside, though... My heart was being ripped. Into pieces.  Again.


The thing is, I am at peace with my decision.  I don't regret leaving.  I really think it was the right choice for myself.


But it doesn't hurt any less.  Because I cared about that job.  A lot.


17 years!  For seventeen years,  I poured my heart and soul into that job.  I've watched many of my students grow up before my eyes.  My own girls grew up at that school.  Heck, they spent time there even before they were born, listening en-utero to the chatter of my students. 


We - my girls and I - spent so much time at that school.  We often joked that it was our second home.  And it pretty much was.  Most of our waking time was spent there. 


I cared - still care - about that school and, of course, the students. 


So, yes, being back there today broke my heart. 


But I guess that's how it's going to feel for a while, huh? 


Until the grieving ends.


When will that be?